why does true love break us?
by SuranneKeeleyBeauchamp
Summary: Connie is left to contemplate the changes in her and Micheal's relationship, and what it means for her now. Dark one shot towards the end.


**Michael and Connie one shot, based on the song 'true love' by pink and lily Allen. Connie considers her life with Michael, and makes a big decision that could affect the lives of so many. **

_Sometimes I hate every single stupid word you say; sometimes I wanna slap you in your whole face, Whoa oh-oh_

Every time he waltzes through the front door, I can anticipate what his excuse will be. _'Sorry darling the meeting ran over, you do know I'd rather be here with you though'. _He must thick I'm bloody thick, that I won my cardiothoracic surgeon title in a box of sodding cornflakes. He seems to forget that I know him better than anyone else and I can play the same games, but Michael isn't as smart as I am, so I get away with it. That's what repulses and angers me about Michael, he can't even pretend to care when I find out, and in fact it seems to spur him on some more. I know I should have left him years ago, given up at the first sign of cracks, but our marriage is more convince, we suit each other's lifestyles, and look good at swanky parties and charity balls. Once we loved each other, well he loved me. No matter how much I want to posh the smug git in the mouth sometimes, and rip out his voice box, he is still my husband, and I guess I will always love him, because he is my soul mate.

_There's no one quite like you. You push my buttons down. I know life would suck without you. Whoa oh-oh._

Michael has this habit of being able to push down on my buttons to wind me up, sometimes I don't think he even realises he's doing it. It seems like a talent he was born with, and so far it works. He knows that if the right buttons are pushed we'll have a fierce argument, exchanging insults, throwing plates and glasses, threatening divorce, insulting physique and mentioning lovers and then I'll drag him upstairs to the bedroom for makeup sex because I'll be the one feeling guilty, plus he is such a turn on when he is angry. Michael is definitely one of a kind. I knew that the second I clapped eyes on him. He is so different to every other man I have met, possibly not in a good way at times, he is extremely arrogant, vicious, narrow minded, hardworking, passionate, funny, sexy, kind and romantic. I just know that if Michael wasn't in my life, I would be bored and without any real good sex. In fact my life would turn to shit without Michael. He always reminds me that without him I'd have got too big for my boots and tumbled. Michael keeps me grounded, and keeps my dreams realistic. We were made for each other is all I can say.

_At the same time I wanna hug you. I wanna wrap my hands around your neck. You're an asshole but I love you and you make me so mad._

As I said before, no matter how much I love my husband, he will always have a habit of pissing me off to the max. Board meetings at work, being late home, not putting his plates away… the list is basically endless. That's why so many arguments erupt. He makes them just as bad though, always saying how attractive I look when I'm worked up and angry. When he says that mid argument, part of me wants to stop and kiss the face off him, drag him to bed and have my wicked way with him, while another part of me wants to strangle him and bury him somewhere.

_I ask myself, "Why I'm still here, Or where could I go?" You're the only love I've ever known. But I hate you, I really hate you So much, I think it must be True love, true love. It must be true love Nothin' else can break my heart like True love, true love It must be true love. No one else can break my heart like you._

Every time we stop speaking, and he gives me the silent treatment, I plan out in my head my next few days, trying to avoid Michael as much as possible. Extra shifts at the hospital, sudden nights on call, a friend hen party. You name it, I've used the excuse. Usually I'm with a registrar or any other young man I can get my hands on, enjoying a night of passion leaving my husband to stew alone. I often wake up though and wonder why I am still with Michael after all the arguments, sadness and anger. The answer is simple though, he is the only person I've ever loved and ever will. I hate him, don't get me wrong, but it's still an emotion, a feeling. When you hate someone for hurting you, you know that moment that you love them, and I know that one day I will have my heart broken by my husband, but that's what love does for you.

_ Just once try to wrap your little brain around my feelings. Just once, please try not to be so mean. Whoa oh-oh._

I really wish that Michael could see how much I hurt sometimes. How much our arguments actually hurt me, and how I wish we could be more like conventional couples, no affairs, just two people committed to each other. It's like Michael's brain doesn't register feelings, well not mine anyway. He just can't seem to get his head around the whole idea of me, Connie Beauchamp, actually having feelings. I just wish that for once in our entire marriage he would listen to me, try to understand and not hurt me all the time. I don't want to lose him, but he just keeps pushing and pushing, and I'm on the edge. I just want my husband back.

_I ask myself, "Why I'm still here, Or where could I go?" You're the only love I've ever known But I hate you, I really hate you So much, I think it must be True love, true love It must be true love Nothin' else can break my heart like True love, true love. It must be true love, and no one else can break my heart like you. Think it must be love. I love you. I think it must be love. I love you._

I'm scared to leave Michael; I don't know what it's like to not have someone to come home to, to sleep with at night. For so long it's been just me and Michael, so I don't know how I'd cope without him. It's not that I rely on men wholly; it's just that for so long Michael has been my life, doing everything to make OUR life better. It's not always been arguments at the dinner table. Once upon a time Michael and I would come home from work early just to be together, he would leave flowers on my desk, romantic notes around the hospital for me to find. Now it breaks my heart to see him do the same to other women, right under my noses. He doesn't realise that I notice, but I am the queen of Holby, whatever happens at that hospital, I find out about. I am like a deity, I am everywhere.

_Why do you rub me up the wrong way? Why do you say the things that you say? Sometimes I wonder how we ever came to be, but without you I'm incomplete._

Ahh Michael, why do you do this to me? Why do you make me hate you so bloody much? In fact, why do you hate me so much? What is it that I do so wrong that makes you look elsewhere? What have I done to make you hate me so much? The amount of hours I have spent crying at my desk in the spare room whilst you've been asleep, unable to fathom what it is that makes you despise me so much? All I have done is love you. I'd give up everything if it meant that you would just bloody love me back. I feel like my fingertips are just about holding us together, and one day I'll wake up and you'll be gone, leaving a note on the side. It breaks me some more every day, even bloody Ric has started to notice there's something wrong baby, I just want to be you're one and only, the woman you see in the corridor at work and smile at like she's you're whole world, to run up and kiss me like you used to, to hold my hand and walk me to my office. I want you to hold me after a long day, wipe away my tears. Take me for lunch when you know we should be working. I just want the old us back.

_I think it must be True love, (It must be) true love. It must be true love (It must be), Nothin' else can break my heart like True love, (It must be) true love. It must be true love (It must be) and no one else can break my heart like you (like you)_

Michael, my heart is well and truly broke. I've just seen you with the bloody whore of Babylon. You promised me the world Michael, and I feel like you've just given me the shit part of Africa. I watched you in that board meeting, acting like you was on my side, but then you do that to me. I am you're wife Michael. I can't take this anymore; you have taken away everything I had, even removing yourself from me. I have nothing left to fight for now Michael, you have well and truly broken my heart, and I doubt I can live without you anymore. I don't know if you'll ever read this, you'll have thrown out my stuff not long after I take the morphine. Moved HER in, sharing the bed we once made passionate love in, the bed where you held me on my darkest off nights. Farewell my love, take care.


End file.
